Creation cannot be destroyed

Nothing exists without you

Welcome, you.

What is the adventure of your day, today? What are you creating?

Lately life’s exploding down various avenues and I have been struggling with a great, sudden and confusing flare of my autoimmune. As such I am not quite ‘myself’, but nor can I rest. The sudden influx of symptoms is challenging because it seems to come out of ‘nowhere’ and brings to mind various synonyms of the past — a thought pattern emerges regarding what I did ‘wrong’ and how can I ‘fix’ the situation ASAP without further increasing stress. How can I let my body love and trust me? The truth is it already does. Pain is nothing but a certain communication (scream or whisper) between the body-network — with all its many byroads, off tracks and obstacles — and the thinking, rationalising mind-evading-heart that sets all action into motion.

And we cannot solve the body through Mind, even though the very crux of our species and existence here on earth depends on mind for its survival.

Those of us who live with strange and mysterious ongoing ailments know the agony of explanation. We feel we are alone in our sufferings, and are often dismissed by health professionals and family members.

We do not love what we do not understand.

And sometimes it is easier to live in a sort of ‘scenic hell’, immune to the harshness of reality than it is to love our pain. Than it is to really listen to what others are letting us know through their actions. To hold our pain in both hands and let it move us— that is where the beauty is.

In the most cheesy, sacred sort of way.

Or perhaps it is better to say: we struggle to love what we cannot put a finger on. Or better still: when we cannot pinpoint our pain, or explain it, the pain only increases.

A couple weeks ago a bus driver and I cracked into conversation. I was lugging my big suitcase and the bus was empty on the North Circular Road. I was lugging my yoga mat too and so he opened his love for yoga and experience living amongs mystics and gurus upon me. ‘The trick’ he told me, ‘is to detach from everything. That is the only way. Nothing is real’. On that particular day I was grieving a hard conversation and as the bus jolted forward my heart leapt a little too.

It got me thinking about pain, metaphorical or physical. We must learn to love our pain because pain is part of Creation.

What if we created without fear of what others think?

What if all the past failures, mistakes and deaths became fuel to the fire that is our heart in motion?

We were born to this world to create. Nowadays we live so much of our lives through screens and this constant creative bombardment from other people can ironically hamper our creativity. But we are literally hard wired to create. Whenever I feel ‘blocked’ by life I try to re-inhabit the heart and let it beat me.

Often creativity does not come within the pain itself. It is almost impossible to create when we are suffocating in trauma or complex circumstances. What we can do then is breathe and once the dust settles creation blooms effortlessly, like wings.

There is no single artist on earth who has not poured part of themselves into their work.

Words can be deleted or unread but they cannot be destroyed.

When we have put so many hours months and years into a creative project, we will wish upon a star for it to someday find the right person and to sing, into that one heart-twin-mirror — and that song means we have made it.